Overview

If you or your children are being abused by a family member, there is help available for you. The abuse might be:

  • physical
  • psychological (including verbal)
  • sexual
  • financial

Being in a relationship with the person who is doing the abuse does not make the abuse okay.

Family violence

Family violence is any violent or threatening behaviour by a family member toward another family member, that is part of a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour, or that causes the other family member to fear for their own safety or for the safety of someone else. In the case of children, this includes direct and indirect exposure to that conduct.

Examples of family violence include:

  • actual or threatened physical abuse
  • sexual abuse
  • psychological or emotional abuse
  • cultural abuse
  • economic or financial abuse
  • threats to kill or harm any person or animal
  • killing or harming an animal
  • threats to damage property or actually damaging property

In family law proceedings, the abuse does not have to be considered a criminal offence to be considered family violence.

The violence might be meant to make a person feel:

  • scared
  • intimidated
  • humiliated
  • powerless

Family violence can be a one-time use of force, but it can often occur in a pattern. Several acts of violence that sound minor by themselves could be a pattern of abuse.

What to do if you or a family member are being abused

If your spouse or partner or a family member is committing violent or threatening behaviour towards you or another family member, including a child you should:

  • call 911 and tell them what is happening. Even if you are unable to speak, do not disconnect the call
  • make noise to encourage neighbours to call the police
  • teach your children to call the police
  • try to leave and if you have children, take them with you
  • If you suspect that a child is being abused or needs protection, besides calling the police you have a duty to report your concerns to your local children’s aid society.

Make a safety plan

Create a safety plan for you and your children. To find support services in your community who can help you create a safety plan, visit the following websites:

Or contact:

Things to do when preparing to leave:

  • open a bank account in your name only and make sure that bank statements are not mailed to you
    • save as much money as you can
    • set aside money for a taxi and money for pay-as-you-go cell phones
  • if you have no money and no place to stay, you may be able to get income support, subsidized housing, legal aid and free counselling
  • plan your emergency exits
  • always keep emergency phone numbers with you
  • hide extra clothes, house keys, car keys, money and other important items at a trusted friend's house or another safe place
  • collect yours and your child or children’s important documents and identification:
    • passports
    • birth certificates
    • citizenship or permanent resident card
    • immigration papers
    • health card
    • driver’s license
    • social insurance number

If you must leave in a hurry, try to take:

  • car keys and house keys
  • identification and other important documents
  • prescriptions and other medicines
  • banking information
  • emergency suitcase, already packed
  • special toys and comforts for your children
  • contact your child’s school to update them on their ability to attend school, or on any other pertinent information that could be shared

If you are looking for information about services for women who have experienced violence, visit the Ontario Women's Issues Directorate.

Who to contact for help

Police

If you, your child or a family member have been physically or sexually assaulted or threatened, you should immediately call your local police service. Where there are reasonable grounds to lay a charge, police may make an arrest.

Your local police service may also provide you with information about how to seek support in your community.

Community agencies

If you do not want to call the police or you would like more information, there are resources in your community to help you, including:

Legal Support

You can talk to a lawyer about what you can do to protect yourself and your children. This may include:

  • starting a case in family court
  • applying for a restraining order
  • other orders relating to you or your children

Learn more about these legal protections.

If you are considering starting a case in family court, you can get information from a family court support worker, including:

  • referrals to specialized services
  • help with safety planning
  • information about the family court process
  • help when you are at court

If you would like help finding a lawyer you can connect with the Law Society Referral Service online for an initial consultation of up to 30 minutes for free. You may also be eligible for legal aid from Legal Aid Ontario.

Victim Support Line

You can call the Victim Support Line (VSL) or chat online. Staff can tell you about services in your community, such as:

Criminal court

If you are involved in a case that goes to criminal court it is likely you will be required to participate in the court process. The Victim/Witness Assistance Program provides information, assistance and support to victims and witnesses of crime to increase their understanding of, and participation in, the criminal court process.

In some cases, people who have assaulted their spouse or partner are referred to an in-depth educational program called the Partner Assault Response Program.

If your spouse or partner is convicted and receives a jail sentence, you can call the Victim Support Line to register for the Victim Notification Service. The Victim Notification Service will notify you prior to the person being released from jail or when other changes in their status occur.

Laws about family violence

There are certain laws in place which are designed to protect you and your children from family violence. These include:

  • the requirement that a court consider family violence when making parenting orders (related to parenting time and decision-making responsibility) or contact orders (giving non-parents time with a child)
  • restraining orders
  • orders giving you exclusive possession of the family home

Parenting and contact orders

Ontario’s laws require a court to consider any family violence against any member of the family when making an order for parenting time, decision-making responsibility for and contact with a child. If your child is a victim of abuse by the other parent, you can ask the court to deny that parent parenting time or allow parenting time only if it is supervised through a Supervised Access Centre.

Supervised Access Centres provide safe, neutral, child-focused, and accessible visit and exchange services for vulnerable children and families experiencing parenting time and decision-making responsibility disputes. Trained staff or volunteers take factual observations and develop reports for use by family courts and other professionals in parenting time and decision-making responsibility matters.

Restraining orders

A person who has been abused by their spouse or partner can ask the court for a restraining order. The restraining order can be:

  • general - your spouse or partner must stay away from you
  • specific - with certain conditions such as your spouse or partner must not come to your home, to your place of work, to your children's school or to other places where you often go, like a place of worship or relative’s home

The restraining order must be served on your spouse or partner as soon as possible. You do not need to serve it yourself. You can ask someone else serve it. If that's not possible, the court will assist you.

If your spouse or partner disobeys the restraining order, you can call the police. Keep the restraining order with you because the police will want to see it and may ask you if your spouse or partner knows about the restraining order. You may wish to make copies of the order to keep them in more than one place and provide to others (keep one with you, one in your vehicle, and if applicable, provide one to your child's school/care provider).

If your spouse or partner disobeys the restraining order, they may be arrested and charged with a crime.

Exclusive possession of the family home

If you are married, you can ask the court for exclusive possession of the family home. This means you want the court to allow you to continue living in your home and make your spouse leave. You can ask for exclusive possession of the home even if the home is in your spouse's name. If you are not married, you may wish to contact a lawyer to discuss your legal rights and options regarding the home you share with your partner.

Before a judge will order your spouse out of the home, the judge will consider:

  • if there was violence in the relationship, including against any children
  • if there is another suitable place for you to live
  • if it is in the children's best interests to stay in their home
  • your and your spouse’s financial positions

If the judge agrees to an exclusive possession order, your spouse must move out and stay out of the house. If they try to come in, you can call the police and they may be arrested.

Restraining orders and exclusive possession orders may not be enough to stop a violent person from hurting you. Your spouse or partner is already breaking the law by harming you and may be prepared to break other laws by hurting you again. If you are in this situation, a shelter in your community may be the safest place for you to live with your children for a while. To find a shelter, please visit 211 Ontario.